Part FOUR

Thanks for hanging in there with me...I told you it was going to be a long story. And so it continues. During my time away from the Church, I found every way possible to dispute the truthfulness of it. I’d say to myself “see, that just happened, so it can’t possible be true”. I never saw the good. There’s a line in my Patriarchal Blessing (that’s a very special blessing that we use to guide our lives...not really sure how to describe it any better than that) that says that “my faith will be unwavering”. Um, excuse me? Unwavering? You’re joking, right? This was one of my biggest selling points to sway others away from the church. See, it can’t be true! My faith was wavering all over the place! Then I realized that there’s a time and a season for everything in our lives. And I realized that this particular line was referring to NOW. You see, my faith is unwavering. I will fight for it. Remember, Satan is a jerk and he wants us to be miserable like himself. Poor guy. Guess what? Good ALWAYS wins! Always. Pfft...we don’t have to be like him! Yuck! I won’t be like him. Good wins. God wins! Ok...back to the flood. It happened on a Tuesday. I sent a text to my sister telling her I wanted to come up and help. I don’t think she was too thrilled about seeing me. I wouldn’t be thrilled either. Remember, we weren’t exactly on lovey dovey terms at that point. I think she even tried to get me to not come but I wanted to see the house for myself. So I booked a shuttle for Thursday morning like it or not! Sorry, I know you are reading this and probably laughing now but weren’t then! And remember, this has a happy ending. The shuttle left from the Salt Lake Airport and I asked my father in law to give me a ride. I had told him about the feeling that came over me on Tuesday evening and he encouraged me to take the 4 ½ hour trip to think about all we had talked about. We really did have a wonderful and very open talk about my mistakes and my future and my son’s baptism. I love music. If you know me, you know how much I love music. Some of my favorite music is LDS music. So I did something I hadn’t done in a VERY long time. I listened to some LDS music and I prayed. I prayed and I cried on that shuttle. I hid my tears well. But yes, I did cry. I knew then that the church was true. I even sent a text to my brother and said “holy crap, the church is true, isn’t it”? He and his wife came up from Arizona the week before and we had lunch together. We talked about the church and they both told me that they loved me and that they’d be there for me. Yes, holy crap, the church was true as I so eloquently put it. Wait, what??? The church is what? No, no, no nononoononononoooooooooo it can’t be. I had just spend the last almost year very publicly letting the world know that it wasn’t. I even made a scene at Temple Square once. Not a big scene but a scene. Luckily it was dark and it was just me and two sister missionaries. But it was still a scene. But I knew then, on that shuttle, it was true. I could not, nor will I ever deny those feelings that I had on that shuttle taking me up to Rexburg, Idaho. What are people going to think of me now? Oh geez this was scary. Somehow God flipped the truth switch in my head. Or something like that. I’m still trying to wrap my human brain around the events of that day. How could a person just switch? How could one individual go from trying to destroy the church to believing it with all her heart? What???? It doesn’t make any sense. It was a miracle. Of that I am sure. I arrived at the BYU-Idaho campus and waited for my sister to pick me up. I don’t know how she was feeling but I was nervous. We hadn’t spoken in months. We weren’t friends anymore. We weren’t a part of each other’s lives anymore. She was nice when she picked me up. I think we drove straight to my parent’s house. I can’t remember. All I remember is driving up their street and seeing a huge dumpster full of worldly belongings. By the time I got there the basement had been cleared of the furnishings and other stuff. All that was left was a muddy mess. There were ward members drying pictures and journals and trying to save what they could. My uncle had driven up and I gave him a big hug. I was wearing flip flops and wanted to see the basement. He told me to put on some boots and follow him down. I ended up putting on my brother in law’s boots that were about 10 sizes too big for me. I clomped down the stairs and couldn’t believe my eyes. The water line was almost to the ceiling. There was thick mud everywhere. There was grass stuck to the walls. People had written things on the walls with mud. Tears streamed down my face. The restoration company was already there working. There were so many people helping my family. That truth switch in my brain must be on a dimmer switch because it got brighter as I walked around the house. It got brighter as I saw strangers who didn’t know our family sift through pictures and lovingly place paper towels between each page of a journal. Yes, this is what the church teaches. This was Christlike love that I was witnessing first hand. I had never seen anything like this before. My sister and I drove to the gas station, loaded up on Diet Coke and went to work. They had found a house to rent (another miracle) and so not only did they have to move but they also had the burden of taking care of my parent’s house too. My sister had arranged for me to stay at a ward member’s house. But by that first evening she offered her couch to me and I gladly took that. I also had a very rocky relationship with her husband. But I was determined to make things right so we talked. It was brutal. I love people who don’t sugar coat things. Just tell me how it is and let’s move on. Actually maybe a little sugar would have been nice? But seriously, it was an amazing talk and I absolutely love them. It was a turning point in our relationship. I finally felt like I could prove to them and myself that this was a forever change. You see, I don’t exactly have the best track record. I was just so glad that they gave me another chance.